crisis pregnancy
Getting Ready for the Date
Uh, oh. Your daughter just turned 16, the age you and her mom agreed would signify the start of dating. Now you're wondering if maybe you should have set the benchmark at 30. What should you do?
Before the date
Remind your teen what dating is for: to find a suitable marriage partner. Since marriage is still five years away — at a minimum — now's a good time for her to guard her heart. Explain that adolescents rarely fall in love. Oh it may feel like love, but true love is an act of the will, not the emotions. What he might be feeling is the rush of hormones, the excitement of knowing someone finds him attractive, the electricity of physical touch.
- Love, the kind that makes for long-lasting marriages, is a decision to treat the beloved with kindness, respect and integrity, even when the emotions aren't there to support you.
- Discuss how habits she establishes now will set the course for future relationships, including the one with "Mr. Right." Healthy physical and emotional boundaries will keep foggy thinking at bay. Too often teens allow the pleasure of the moment to obscure the reality of the rest of their life. Just one false move, especially sexually, could undermine all of your daughter's dreams for her future.
- Encourage group activities. Trouble is far less likely to occur in large groups. So your son's found that special someone. He can still enjoy her sense of humor and beautiful curly hair in the company of friends. Plus, the date is likely to be more fun and less pressure at a time when self-image is fragile.
- Assure her that you're never more than a phone call away. Even if her intentions are pure, her date's may not be. Equip her with a cell phone and encourage her to use it if things get out of hand. The speed dial function can be handy if the nice boy you met in the living room turns out to be a walking hormone when he's out of your presence.
During the date
- Always meet your daughter's suitor. And make the most of the meeting. Turn off the television when he arrives and sit down with him while he waits for your daughter to finish getting ready. Give him your full attention, ask him about himself, let him know you're interested in who he is; who his daughter will be spending time with. This sends a powerful message to a young man: that you care deeply about your daughter's welfare and will not tolerate any ungentlemanly behavior. It will greatly reduce his desire to compromise her integrity, knowing that "Dad is keeping a close eye on them."
- Make your expectations clear: What's the curfew? What time should they call to check in? Where will they be? Who will they be with? If you've demonstrated trust and respect for your teen up until now (e.g., not reading her diaries or journals or snooping through his drawers, not eavesdropping on phone conversations) he'll be more likely to reciprocate and follow your rules.
After the date
- Talk about it, even if it's uncomfortable. Ask what they did and listen without interrupting. Discuss how their decisions influenced the course of the date and if it went poorly, how they might handle a similar situation differently next time. You'll be teaching them to make good decisions instead of just communicating your disapproval. Remember, this is part of growing up. Once you allow your teenager to date, you might as well help the process go smoothly. Your teens are naturally moving toward independence. But they're not on their own yet. Make the most of this pre-adult season by supporting, guiding and loving them through the ups and downs of romance.
Background Information
Behind the Scenes of a Teen Pregnancy
A look at the thoughts and feelings she — and you — are going through.
Abortion Risks
While abortion seems like a "quick fix" for a long-term problem, it is a permanent decision that carries physical, emotional and spiritual risks.
Deciding About Adoption
When considering adoption as an alterative to raising your baby, these answers may dispel adoption myths.
Questions and Answers
Why do I feel like this pregnancy has pulled me in so many different directions? I feel so overwhelmed with all the ramifications of this decision I must make. How can I sort it all out?
Answer
My pregnant daughter has her whole life still ahead of her. Would it be better for her to place her baby with a family through adoption, parent her baby or have an abortion?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Things Seen and Unseen
A woman in a white coat walked into the room and flipped on the fluorescent lights, jarring my wife awake. The jarring was just beginning.
Left to Suffer
Abortion can leave a woman feeling more empty and alone than she ever dreamed possible.
Life is Sacred
Sometimes the choices we make bring pain. Thankfully, one woman turned to God for healing.
Taboo Grief: Men and Abortion
It's not something most men talk about, but the ones who've lost a child to abortion bear many scars.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Faith Helps
God may be the only person who understands what you're going through.
What the Choice is All About
For a long time it baffled me. I could never understand why anyone would want to be pro-choice. But this past week I finally got it.
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
