discipline

Our Son Joe

Dear Dr. Dobson,

I came in a little late on Focus on the Family's April 25, 2002 broadcast, but I was able to listen to a good portion of the program on disabilities as I drove to work.

I wept as I listened to the parent's description of the experiences they gained as a result of being blessed with a child who was disabled.

As the father of a 2 year old son with Spina Bifida, I can indeed tell you that it is a blessing. My wife, Missy, and I are learning about Romans 5:1-5 firsthand, as do many parents of disabled children.

Fortunately, God blessed us many times over with our son, Joe. His prognosis looks good, though he was operated on approximately 11 times during the first year of his life.

It was an extremely difficult time in our lives, but we are members of a strong church whose members reached out to us on numerous occasions.

I felt compelled to write you this morning, because of a couple of things. The term abortion somehow was mentioned in today's program. Your wife also sent us a recent newsletter, mentioning your fight for the pre-born children of this world.

When my wife and I traveled to the Fetal Anomaly Clinic at the University of Alabama School of Medicine 33 weeks into Missy's pregnancy, we were told that our son had "Isolated Hydrocephaly" and his prognosis was grim.

There was even mention that a good possibility existed that our son would be severely retarded. To say the least, this news was extremely discouraging.

We had to drive back to Montgomery (Alabama), a 90-mile trip, after getting this news. Missy was extremely upset, as she had suffered through three miscarriages, with two prior to this pregnancy.

We do have a beautiful 6-year old daughter, who is a great big sister to Joe. Missy was on a terbutaline pump, to control her premature contractions, and my main prayer was to make it back to Montgomery. It's neat to hear about natural deliveries, but I would rather hear about them, as opposed to experiencing them.

We made it back, of course, and began our journey with Joe. What a wonderful journey it has been.

Our relationship with Christ and God has been strengthened, significantly. We are complete strangers to the individuals we were before our son came into our lives.

The option of abortion was given to us at the time of the diagnosis of Isolated Hydrocephaly. Missy and I, however, do not believe that parents should be allowed to terminate the lives of their pre-born children.

When the physician mentioned abortion as an option, Missy quickly responded that it was not an option.

When I received your April 2000 newsletter, some six months after the birth of our son, I was spellbound as I read the story of Dr. Joseph Bruner's surgical procedure on pre-born children with Spina Bifida.

What gripped me the most, however, was the picture of the 21-week old hand, shown holding on to Dr. Bruner's finger. I keep this newsletter and photo in my desk drawer at work, and I am looking at it as I write you this letter.

Surely all abortion proponents would change their minds after seeing this beautiful picture. To think where my wife and I would be today if we had allowed our son to be aborted. What a travesty!

Instead of the consequences of abortion, we have been showered with blessings. We have had the opportunities to observe on numerous occasions the miracles of God through the power of prayer.

In Christ,

"Joe's Dad"

Background Information

Journey of No Return
Sometimes as parents, we have a knee-jerk response to our kids as we're barraged by their numerous inquires and desires. Maybe it's time to stop being so negative.

When Not To Discipline
Parents should recognize when they should and shouldn't discipline their children.

When You Feel Like Calling in the SWAT Team
Are your children constantly testing you? This classic parenting advice will help you regain the upper hand.

Questions and Answers

After I spank my child, she usually wants to hug me and make up, but I continue to be cool to her for a few hours. Do you think that is right?
Answer

We'd like to be more unified in our approach, but how do we successfully move from two financial approaches to one?
Answer

How long do you think a child should be allowed to cry after being punished? Is there a limit?
Answer

I have never spanked my 3-year-old because I am afraid it will teach her to hit others and be a violent person. Do you think I am wrong?
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It just seems barbaric to cause pain to a defenseless child. Is it healthy to spank him or her?
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Stories

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Other Things to Consider

Ten Things Toddlers Wish They Could Tell You
It can do wonders for the frazzled parent to know what's going on in the mind of your little one.

TransitionsHaving a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence

Life PressuresWorking Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family

RelationshipsParents and Adult Children, Blended Families