Is sexual experimentation normal?

Question and Answer

Is sexual experimentation normal? What should I do if I catch my child acting out with another child?

It can be difficult to know what's the normal sexual health and development of our children. Harder still, parents have to give answers to their children's questions about sex at increasingly earlier ages. How should a parent respond when they overhear a neighborhood girl pointing out the difference between Barbie and Ken? Or what actions should they take after catching young boys touching each other?

The cultural messages our kids receive may make the task more difficult, but concerned parents can ask themselves questions to help teach healthy sexuality.

Does my child's behavior reflect our family's value system? Healthy childhood sexual development begins at home. Ideally, both parents need to model appropriate behaviors and attitudes about sexuality. If parents are comfortable and responsible with their sexuality, their children are more likely to develop healthy sexuality.
Does my child need sex education at an early age? A delay in sex education results in a child's heightened curiosity. Because sexuality is a central part of life, it's only natural that our children want to know about sexuality. Parents must take the initiative and teach their children about sex, or they will run the risk of their kids learning about it from some place besides the home.
How can I redirect inappropriate behavior? Because sexual experimentation is occurring at younger ages, parents may need to be even more cautious. Recently my six-year-old daughter, Mary, and her friend were playing with their baby dolls. My wife, Renee, overheard our daughter explaining how babies are born. Mary had not done anything wrong, but Renee cautiously changed the subject and explained these kinds of conversations are private. She also alerted the other parent of what had been said so they could talk to their daughter. Children touching each other has much larger implications. While curiosity is to be expected, sexual touch cannot be condoned or ignored. Of course, parents need to be careful not to shame their children or even punish them for one-time behavior. The solution most likely is to stay current with sex education in the home and to enforce healthy boundaries.
Will inappropriate sexual behavior cause any harm to a child's body? Some sexual behaviors like vaginal or anal penetration can be physically painful or harmful. But other behaviors like touching or oral sex are typically pleasurable. These pose perhaps the greater long-term risk because a child may begin to seek them out in compulsively.
Will inappropriate sexual behavior cause any harm to a child's mind? Illicit sexual behaviors stimulate brain chemistry that can become addictive over time. Sexual behaviors paired with pornography only heighten the stimulation. It's also accepted that two people even children can become bonded emotionally or relationally in unhealthy ways due to sexual activity.
Does my child's behavior suggest he is na ve or intentional? When sex education is lacking, naivety can lead to sexual experimentation. While some sexual experimentation is typical even in healthy children, each situation is worthy of careful consideration. For example, how often is this behavior occurring? How does the child respond to sensitive redirection? Is your child's personality or demeanor changing significantly?
What if I suspect my child has been abused? If we watch and listen with compassion and reason, we can learn a lot about how he or she is doing. If you suspect abuse, pray that God will meet you and your child's needs, educate yourself and show empathy to your child. Then when you talk to a pediatrician or trained therapist, he or she will undoubtedly encourage you to model and teach healthy sexuality.

Sexuality is a powerful force for good or evil, and remains one of life's most profound mysteries. Fortunately, each situation can be embraced as a teachable moment where parent and child can build open communication about human sexuality. Sexual desires and drives were created in us by God, and though they are not evil, we live in a culture that often distorts God's ideal. Teaching your children proper sexual conduct and strong, godly principles can set them on the right path for life.