How To Respect Your Teen

A big mistake teens make is in equating respect with permission. "If you respect me, you'll let me " Been there? Well, it's not true! Respect and permission are two different things. "Respect" is defined as an act of giving a person particular attention, special regard or considering them worthy of high esteem. You do need to "give particular attention" and "special regard" to your son. Even as a minor. Even when he's not reflecting it back to you. That's often hard. You can demonstrate respect to him by:

  • Listening completely to him before drawing conclusions or making decisions. Take this extra time. Invest it. It may or may not change your mind, but listen first. "Listening" doesn't mean "agreeing."
  • Extending as much trust to him as he has proven to be trustworthy. Trust is earned. Give him as much freedom as he has shown he can handle. No more. No less. This can be a tough balancing act.
  • Being consistent in your words, deeds, decisions, rules and choices. It's hard for a teen to respect anyone who is inconsistent or hypocritical.
  • Establishing rules that are logical, fair, reasonable and truthful. Rules are often made out of convenience for the parent, or to assuage an adult's fears or need for control. Resist that temptation.
  • Admitting when he's right and you're wrong. Such honesty is the backbone of mutual respect.
  • Never belittling or intentionally embarrassing him. Publicly or privately; it doesn't matter. No name-calling not even if you're angry. Young people can be gravely wounded by the careless words of parents.
  • Distinguishing between his behavior and his character. It's one thing to point out wrong actions, but be careful not to attack your child's character in the process.
  • Reminding him that he is made in God's image. If your child claims to represent the Lord, he should be seeking the respect of others as a way of honoring God with his witness.

As you do these things consistently, you'll be showing him respect even though you don't always "give in" to his requests. This balance of justice, guidance and respect will be a valuable example of how he should extend respect to you even when you don't see eye to eye.

Background Information

Questions and Answers

Stories

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

RelationshipsBlended Families, Parents and Adult Children

TransitionsPreparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest