Let go of the Reins
With tears pouring down her cheeks, Christy raised her hand during a parenting seminar I was teaching at my church in Fullerton, Calif.
I m a single parent, and it s really hard for me to let anyone else care for my children, she said in a voice choked with emotion. I know I should, but I want to protect them from anything that could go wrong. They ve already been through so much, and before she could finish, she cupped her hands over her face and cried as the woman beside her wrapped her arm around her shoulders. Christy s tears turned to sobs as the other moms and dads looked on with compassion. Since her husband left, the mere thought of letting her children out of eyesight sent her into hysterics.
Over and over again, I talk to single parents who cannot loosen the grip they have on their children, much less push them out of the nest. Like Christy, some fear that letting their kids go will expose them to more hurt. Others hold on because they feel significant when their children need them. Even more common is the parent who feels he or she can make better decisions than his or her kids can make for themselves.
And they re right God has placed parents in authority so they can mold and direct their kids lives. If you re a mom or dad, you should be holding the reins. It s when you re holding on too tight that the trouble begins. Whether you re a single parent with a toddler or a teenager, gradually handing them control for anything they re capable of doing is essential to their emotional health. After all, they are God s children, and He gave them to you so you could give them back.
The battle line
As I traveled the unmarked road of parenting, letting my own children make decisions was one of the steepest hills I ever attempted. In many ways, Darcy, my oldest, paved the way for rne to give more freedom to my son, Mark, sooner. I learned that some of the things I thought were principles were actually matters of preference.
Today, both Darcy and Mark are young adults, and I m starting to see the fruits of my labor. Though it was a long, hard battle, the rewards have been worth it. Now I travel across the country speaking to moms and dads in every stage of parenting. I tell them what I learned along the way to make the process of letting go a little smoother.
For more by this author, visit www.KathyCollardMiller.com.
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Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
