Dealing With Bad Behavior

What do you do when a child declares war on your family, the neighborhood, or the entire civilized world? One teenager who goes off the deep end can, without question, rock a lot of boats in the community. Social workers, doctors, lawyers, police and clergy may all be in the loop, while Mom and Dad endure an avalanche of pain, frustration, guilt and expense.

If you find yourself embroiled in a civil war at home or confronted by a teenager who is making some dangerously bad decisions, you need to keep these principles in mind:

Take the bull by the horns. Don €™t tolerate flagrant disrespect, destruction of your home or other property, criminal activity or abuse from one of your children. Drastic action may be necessary to keep this type of behavior from tearing your family to shreds. Use your allies, including other parents, counselors, clergy and the police. If more conservative measures aren €™t working, you may need to consider informing him that he cannot remain under your roof if these acts continue. Living at home would then become a privilege to be earned on your terms, with some critical minimum requirements: no drugs, no booze, no stealing, no sex and no verbal or physical abuse of anyone in the family.

If he breaks the law and is arrested, depending on the circumstances you may need to choose not to bail him out, as painful as this decision would be. In doing so you would have but one purpose: allowing him to experience the brunt of his bad decisions and to come to his senses.

Don €™t live with false guilt. Perhaps you have made mistakes (who hasn €™t?) in raising your prodigal offspring. But even those who work diligently to €œbring up a child in the way he should go € (to quote Solomon in the book of Proverbs) can find themselves in the midst of a parent €™s nightmare. Each child is an independent being with a free will who decides if he will proceed in the €œway he should go € or €œdepart from it. € Even this famous verse is not an ironclad guarantee but a statement of the way things generally happen.

Don't underestimate the depth of your adolescent's emotions. Serious problems are not €œjust a phase he €™s going through, € and often disruptive behavior on a child's part is the manifestation of real suffering and inner turmoil. By all means seek professional help, and if possible try to engage your adolescent in the process of determining what type of counselor or program would be most appropriate in the current situation. For help, call the new Life Treatment Centers. 1-800-NEW LIFE, or a treatment center near you.

Pray without ceasing, and don't give up. Even if you have to allow him to reap the bitter harvest of his choices, continue praying for his safety and return to sanity. More often than not, even the most die-hard prodigals eventually get tired of the pigsty and trudge home.

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Other Things to Consider

RelationshipsBlended Families, Parents and Adult Children

TransitionsPreparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest