What if Your Teen Already Has a Problem With Drugs?

Even in families that are closely knit, hold strong values and practice ongoing drug proofing, there are no guarantees that substance abuse won't affect one or more of your children. The problems may range from a brief encounter with cigarettes to an episode of intoxication (perhaps with legal consequences) or even involve addiction. As you begin to cope with the chemical intruder(s) in your home, keep the following principles in mind:

Don't deny or ignore the problem. If you do, it is likely to continue to worsen until your family life is turned inside out. Take the bull by the horns but be sure to find out exactly how big and ugly the bull is. The marijuana cigarette you discovered may be a one time experiment or the tip of an iceberg. Talk to your child or adolescent about it but also talk to siblings, friends, and anyone else who knows what he's up to. You may not like what you hear, but better to get the hard truth now than a ghastly surprise later.

Don't wallow in false guilt. Most parents assume a great deal of self-blame when a drug problem erupts in their home. If you do carry some responsibility for what has happened (whether you know about it immediately or find out later on), face up to it, confess it to God and your family and then get on with the task of helping your child. But remember that your child or adolescent must deal with his or her own responsibility as well.

If you must take this drastic step, it would be helpful to present him with one or more options. These might include entering an inpatient drug-treatment center, halfway house, boot-camp program or youth home, or staying with a relative or another family who is willing to accept him for a defined period of time. More ominous possibilities may need to be discussed as well, such as making him a ward of the court or even turning him over to the police if he has been involved in criminal activity. If you continue to shield him from the consequences of his behavior or bail him out when his drugs get him into trouble, he will not change and you will be left with deep-seated anger and frustration.

Don't look for or expect quick-fix solutions. It is normal to wish for a single intervention that will make a drug problem go away. But one conversation, counseling session, prayer time or trip to the doctor won't be enough. Think in terms of a comprehensive response encompassing specific treatment and counseling and the gamut of your child's life home, school, friends and church.

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Other Things to Consider

RelationshipsBlended Families, Parents and Adult Children

TransitionsPreparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest