As a new stepparent, what can I do to make the transition a smooth one?

Question and Answer

We've recently become a blended family. As a new stepparent, what can I do to make the transition a smooth one?

First and foremost, be patient with each other, as well as with your children. Beyond that:

Keep expectations realistic. Discuss your hopes together with the understanding that you'll need to be flexible. Also, don't expect blending to happen overnight.
Allow time for grieving. While a new marriage is full of hope and promise, give everyone time to mourn the hopes and dreams that were lost. This could take up to a year or more in some cases.
Don't force titles. Being called "Mom" or "Dad" by a stepchild may not happen right away. Don't take it personally. Allow those names to come gradually. If they don't come at all, be willing to work out an alternative together.
Take time to analyze your own emotions. Parents who are too "outwardly focused" can overlook personal thoughts, fears or perceptions that may hold a key to effective blending. Be sensitive to internal variables.
Give lots of affection to everyone in your new family. That means spending time alone with your spouse and making marital intimacy a priority. Meanwhile, if you've both brought children to the marriage, be sure to spend plenty of time with your own children so they don't feel abandoned in your attempt to bond with your new stepchildren. When you show affection to your stepteens, don't try to "prove yourself" to them, and don't make them feel as if they must "earn" your love. Overall, be genuine and create an environment of respect where everyone can share their emotions openly and honestly.
Begin building a history together. Part of what makes a family feel like a family are common experiences and shared memories. Do things that build the "us." Plan trips. Play games. Establish holiday traditions. Be sure to take lots of pictures! Don't try to erase memories of the "old" family; simply work to build a new one together.