My husband is a good man, but he gets angry at the kids.

Question and Answer

My husband is a good man, but he gets angry at the kids and says things that he later regrets. How can I convince him to be careful about these off-the-cuff comments?

Psychologist and author Abraham Maslow once said, "It takes nine affirming comments to make up for each critical comment we give to our children."1 I believe he is right. All normal human beings respond negatively to criticism and rejection. Conversely, some of us crave affirmation so much that we'll do almost anything to get it.

Children are especially vulnerable to those who use affirmation to manipulate them. As someone said, "Whoever gives your kids praise and attention has power over them." That could be a drug dealer, a gang member or anyone who could harm them. People with evil intentions know how to use praise to get what they want from lonely kids. This is, in fact, the technique routinely used by pedophiles to abuse their victims sexually.

A highly skilled pedophile can enter a room full of children and instantly spot those who are vulnerable to affirmation. They can have those needy kids under their control in five minutes or less.

All human beings have deep psychological needs for love, belonging, and affection. If you don't meet those longings in your children, I can assure you someone else will.