What distinguishes a healthy marriage from one that is in serious trouble?

Question and Answer

Since almost every couple fights from time to time, what distinguishes a healthy marriage from one that is in serious trouble? How can a husband and wife know when their conflicts are within normal limits and when they are symptoms of more serious problems?

It is true that conflict occurs in virtually all marriages. That is how resentment and frustration are ventilated. The difference between stable families and those in serious trouble is evidenced by what happens after a fight. In healthy relationships, a period of confrontation ends in forgiveness in drawing together in deeper respect and understanding and sometimes in sexual satisfaction. But in unstable marriages, a period of conflict produces greater pain and anger that persists until the next fight. When that occurs, one unresolved issue is compounded by another and another. That accumulation of resentment is an ominous circumstance in any marriage. Isn't this why the apostle Paul admonished us not to let the sun go down on our wrath (Ephesians 4:26)?