adoption

Trendsetting Preteens

Welcome to middle school parenting, where you most likely will have to deal with the line, "But all the other kids at school (or in youth group) are doing it!"

Tattoos, piercings, haircuts and colors, makeup, clothing styles—you're likely to face skirmishes in all of these areas. So how do you deal with the trends and fads that your preteen will inevitably bring home? Here are a few key questions to help you.

  • Is it harmful? Research online or at the library. Give your kids objective facts about possible harmful side effects.
  • Is it permanent? Tell your kids you want them to decide on more permanent things for themselves when they're older, since fads—or your children—may change by then.
  • Is there a rule or law against it? You don't always have to be the bad guy. Maybe your kids' school prohibits the latest trend. Read the handbook and use school rules to your advantage. Social laws that protect minors can help, too.
  • Is it disrespectful or distasteful? Middle schoolers often care about offending others. They may simply need to be reminded that other adults or God might see their actions as disrespectful.

Final Pointers

First, don't be so heavy-handed with house rules that you push your kids out the door and behind your back.

Second, remember that not all peer pressure is bad. Programs and groups that encourage abstinence or discourage drug use are often built on commitments to peers, parents and God. Don't obliterate the effects of peer pressure in case you need it in your arsenal later.

Finally, build your relationship with your kids. A healthy parent-child bond makes your preteens aware of your values and sets the stage for them to come to you with questions about fads and behaviors. Try these "trendy" ideas: date your kids, spend 15 minutes after school talking about their day, eat dinner as a family every night, provide positive encouragement and feedback, celebrate accomplishments and mark key times (13th birthdays or the first day of middle school) with "rites of passage" activities. Being an involved parent is one trend that won't go out of style.

Background Information

Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.

Where Have All the Babies Gone?
The top reasons fewer babies are available to the growing number of couples who want to adopt.

Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.

Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.

Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.

Questions and Answers

Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer

How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.

A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.

Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?

An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.

Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?

Life PressuresWorking Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms

RelationshipsBlended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents