moving

Please Don't Change

Change can be difficult for anyone. But it can be traumatic for children who are naturally hesitant about it. For these kids starting a new grade or eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut up in a new fashion introduces a stressful situation that causes their world to go topsy-turvy.

If you have children like this, take comfort — they can adjust.

"Children resistant to change can make changes," says Charles F. Boyd, author of Different Children Different Needs, "but they need a parent who understands the difficulties and is willing to walk them through it."

This will stretch parents with a tough-it-out mentality.

According to Boyd: "It doesn't help to say, 'Look, you're going to have to live with change all your life. I got a job transfer, and we're going.' That sends the message, There's something wrong with you because change comes hard. And that's damaging to a child's self-esteem."

Instead, parents should encourage their child's God-designed differences. "The strength of this kind of temperament is that a child can provide security and stability in a safe environment," Boyd says. "The best way to help him is to affirm the child's strength. Then verbally acknowledge, 'I realize this is going to be a difficult time for you.'"

Sometimes parents of a child resistant to change wait until the day the moving van pulls up to tell him the news, instead of dealing with the struggle and emotions. Besides feeling betrayed, this child has been robbed of a valuable growth opportunity.

"You wouldn't be training him to step out of his comfort zone and deal with changes in a healthy way," Boyd says.

He encourages parents to mirror how God treats His children. "God calls us from where we are, deals with who we are, but then puts us in circumstances that are going to require us to stretch and grow."

Stabilizers for the Change-Resistant Child

  • Affirm her personality. Explain all the wonderful qualities of a more cautious temperament.
  • Tell her a story of when you struggled with change.
  • Give her a long process time by letting her know as soon as possible about an upcoming change.
  • Listen with understanding. Don't try to talk her out of her feelings. Just hug her. Sometimes silence really is golden.

Background Information

Moving Blues
When you move, you pack more than just your stuff — your emotions often get put in boxes, too.

Questions and Answers

How can I get my children ready to handle a move to a new city?
Answer

Due to a job transfer, we are moving to a different region of the country. How can we "soften the blow" for our kids?
Answer

I have a 14-year-old who is depressed, angry and will only talk about our old home. How do I help her?
Answer

Our 17-year-old son says he won't move with the family. He wants to live with friends and graduate from the school he now attends. Should we let him stay?
Answer

What can we do to make our upcoming move easier on our two teenagers?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Moving For Him
I knew He loved me, but until I moved, I didn't know how much I needed His love.

Cherish, Not Cling
Deciphering what can be let go and what to hold on to is often a major step in moving on.

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?

Life PressuresWorking Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms

RelationshipsBlended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents