Get a Jump on Adolescence

I've been recommending for at least 30 years now that mothers take their daughters and fathers take their sons away for a short "pre-adolescent" trip. It's important to talk with them about the approaching adolescent experience prior to its arrival.

After puberty has occurred, youngsters typically become sensitive and easily embarrassed. Some become much more modest than before and others are emotionally volatile. The boy is becoming a man and the girl is becoming a woman — and you'd better not forget it.

I suggest you select a place that has a natural appeal for your child. That might be a fishing trip with dad, or a shopping spree with Mom in a nearby city. It could be a weekend trip to a theme park. If resources are limited, go to a park for an entire day just to get away from the telephone and other interruptions. It is also important to get away from the other children so that it's a one-on-one experience.

The purpose of this time away is to talk about the challenges and the changes that are going to occur in the next few years. Remember some of the fears and difficulties that plagued you when you were young? It may have been a time of rejection, longings and temptations that kept you in turmoil. I remember those times, too, because most of us walked a similar path. We remember the questions that we had about God, values, parents, our bodies and peer pressure. For most of us it was a time of self-doubt when we wondered who we were.

Even though most adults can recall these scary experiences, it's interesting to me that most parents don't bother to tell their kids about the facts. They keep the facts to themselves. We know the teen years can be difficult, and yet we seldom take steps to prepare a child for what's ahead. They need to know that the feelings they will soon encounter are normal. Failing to discuss this experience with our youngsters is like sending a youngster up the first big dip of a roller coaster ride without telling him what waits at the top. The trip down the other side can be harrowing for everybody onboard. It is terribly unwise to let your child go through this dynamic emotional time of life having no idea whatsoever that the next few years will be different than anything they've ever experienced.

Youngsters especially need to know this journey will not last forever. Everything will settle down again in a few years. Furthermore, it's important to tell them that everyone else his or her age will be going through the same challenges. Even though others may be laughing or joking and seeming to be getting along easily, everyone of the same general age is in the same boat. You can lessen the anxiety of those years by explaining that the experiences are entirely predictable — beginning and end. (You don't need to tell them that some people go on acting like teenagers for the rest of their lives.)

This "Preparing for Adolescence" trip is like a football coach who's giving the final instructions right before the big game — summarizing fundamentals and telling what he expects of them once they get on the field. It is essential to winning the game.

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