Born too Soon

We were thrilled when we found out that we were pregnant again. We think babies are a blessing, whether the first child or, as with us, our sixth. The joy of the announcement was amplified by the anticipation of each big brother and sister.

A baby ... we could hardly wait.

Unfortunately, we didn't have to wait as long as we should have. As with many instances of preterm labor, there was no reason, no explanation, for my wife's water breaking at 27 weeks. It happened, and fearful of imminent delivery, doctors ordered my wife to be transported by ambulance to the premiere preemie facility in our region.

Sue was sentenced to her hospital bed for almost 5 weeks as she attempted to carry the baby closer to the due date months away. Her sacrifice was immeasurable. I'm convinced that her willingness to completely focus on the baby made a life-and-death difference. Each day in utero meant a shorter stay in Intensive Care.

Day after day, a stream of specialists visited Sue. Priceless friends cared for our children, and I made regular treks to the hospital to stay close to Sue and our tiny hidden treasure. I spent as much time as I could with our other children each evening, a tough balancing act. The children visited the hospital, and we prayed with Mommy at her bedside. Pleading, we asked that the baby would come "at just the right time."

And she did. Earlier than we would have wished, but at exactly the time that God had ordained, Cosette Joy was born via emergency C-section. On what would be Cosette's birthday, I stopped to see Sue at lunchtime. It was a spontaneous visit, but one I felt I was supposed to make. She was worried because the baby had been less active than usual. My voice caused the baby to squirm and wiggle, but it was clear that something was wrong.

The doctors decided to deliver. Cosette was 3 pounds, 9 ounces, when she was born at almost 32 weeks. A very premature baby according to pediatric standards. She was a darling dark-headed moppet with eyes squeezed tightly shut.

Weeks in the hospital hardly prepared us for another month in the frightening new world of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Cosette began life hooked up to a ventilator. Her frail body shook and vibrated as oxygen was pumped into her underdeveloped lungs. She was diagnosed with pneumonia, which thankfully cleared up within days as her lungs fought to breathe on their own. Her underdeveloped heart needed to be treated, but quickly formed just as it was supposed to. Cosette was attached to wires that monitored her heart, breathing rate and oxygen levels.

We now think the reason for her distress was the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around her neck and right arm. When she was born her tiny arm was gray, lifeless, with no detectable pulse. The doctors were very concerned and tried experimental treatment to get the blood flowing again. Finally, the color in her arm returned.

Throughout her stay in the hospital, Cosette's breathing would stop and then start again. Though normal, apnea is a terrifying experience for a parent especially with noisy lighted monitors blaring out the problem. Our own breathing would stop in sympathy as we waited for the baby to gulp down some air.

True professionals, the nurses cared for our baby with genuine concern and love. The hospital believed in the value of touch, no matter how small the baby. Sue and I spent hours holding Cosette. She was irresistible, meant to be cuddled. Premature babies, though, cannot be tenderly stroked. We weren't allowed to rub her soft fuzzy head or gently caress her tender skin out of fear of overstimulating her fragile, still developing, nervous system.

We fed Cosette through a tiny tube that went down her throat directly into her stomach. Drop by drop the baby was nourished; a fraction of an ounce growth was cause for celebration. We helped with diaper changes, temperature checks and bathing duties. Cosette was so small that a tiny stuffed Beanie Baby bird looked huge next to her.

Though it was difficult, we wanted our hungry baby to nurse without using a bottle. Eventually, through much trial, practice and frustration, Cosette learned how. Successful nursing was but one of the many miracles that marked the beginning of her young life.

As I write these words, only 16 months after our daughter's birth, it's hard to avoid being overwhelmed with emotion. Cosette's arrival was a trying time for us. We hadn't planned on going through a premature birth experience. Almost no one does. Each of us wondered if we were to blame for the situation.

We were now responsible to care for a new one much sooner than we had expected to do so. In a strange way we came to feel that God had given us more time with our baby because of her prematurity.

Wondering, weeping and wishing that things were different are all normal responses to the birth of a premature baby. I learned that it was OK to take time for these feelings, but often felt too exhausted to engage in much self-analysis. Eating and sleeping were tough to come by, too.

I now realize that shock was another normal response. The emotional shock caused by having a baby in intensive care, a baby who might or might not survive the next night, is numbing. We couldn't believe this was happening to us. At times I felt disconnected from reality, struggling to understand everything the nurses and doctors said.

Telling and retelling Cosette's story to family and friends was wearying. But keeping others informed and in prayer was crucial. All worries melted away when I held our soft featherweight girl to my chest. She was soothed by my beating heart, both of us wrapped in a thin hospital blanket.

Even the happy day we brought Cosette home wasn't the end of the special care. She still needed to be on oxygen 24 hours a day, which meant hauling clear piping around the house, praying that no one would trip on the invisible tube. One day before her due date, Cosette was ready to live on room air alone.

Today, toddling Cosette is still pint-sized. She weighed in at 14 pounds on her 15-month check-up. That's the average weight of a 4-month-old baby, the doctor told us. But she's healthy and she will grow. We know she will as surely as we know that God has a special plan for her life, one that we are breathlessly watching unfold.

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