Question and Answer

Is the desire to marry a virgin legitimate?

Certainly. Excluding the issues of divorce and death of a spouse, shouldn't we all want to marry virgins? Men and women both should want that. So often we have a double standard that says men should "play around" before marriage but then marry "nice girls" who didn't. Even some "nice girls" want experienced men because they grow up hearing that men should know all about sex but women should be naive. The very terms we use to describe them reflect this mentality: men are studly; women are sleazy.

"I grieved when I found out my fianc had already had sex," shared Terry. "It's really disappointing, because I've saved myself for marriage. But he has a spirit of repentance about it. So I decided that if God has forgiven him, I can, too. I realize we may have to deal with some related difficulties in the future, but I'm willing to face that because I want him in my life."

How much importance a person places on this is an individual matter. For some, marrying a person with a "past" may not be a livable option; for others, it may be workable. When deciding on a future mate, we have to ask ourselves, "What problems am I willing to live with if my future spouse does not live up to my ideal?" (recognizing that none of us meets God's standard).

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