affairs

Establishing Good In-Law Relations

"Parents and their married children can resolve differing points of view in a mature and gracious manner," says Dr. Howard Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary. Parents will find the following guidelines helpful in avoiding such conflicts, keeping their in-law relationships strong and healthy and contributing to the success of their children's marriage.

  1. Don't give advice unless the young couple specifically asks for it. Even if they ask your opinion, be careful how the counsel is given. Do not preach or lecture. Instead, simply suggest solutions, giving the couple freedom to accept or reject them.
  2. Don't offer financial aid unless the young couple explicitly requests it. It is important for the couple to establish their independence - emotionally and financially. As difficult as it may be to watch your child and his or her spouse face financial struggles, realize that those trials are valuable for them as they develop their life together.
  3. Keep your personal questions to a minimum. Remember, a couple's primary allegiance should be to each other, not to either set of parents. The new couple needs privacy in order to develop a meaningful relationship.
  4. Respect the couple's confidence when they confide in you. Don't repeat what they have told you to friends or other relatives, or you may lost their trust — and rightfully so.
  5. Don't expect the new couple to live according to your standards and values. Your child and his or her spouse are individuals starting their own home. They need to develop their own family traditions, independent of those observed by their parents.
  6. Let go of your offspring, giving the couple room to live their own lives. Rather than living through your children's lives, find activities of your own. Don't expect the couple to spend excessive amounts of time with you. Only by letting go will you be able to build a healthy relationship with them.
  7. Treat the couple with respect, and don't belittle them or their decisions. They may have a lot to learn, but they need to learn these lessons themselves. Allow them to make their own mistakes, and don't adopt an "I-told-you-so" attitude if they fail.
  8. Don't expect your in-law to call you "Mom" or "Dad." He or she may feel most comfortable using your first names. Accept the decision gracefully — don't make a major issue out of it.
  9. Take a genuine interest in your new in-law as a person. Try to find out about his or her interests. Attempt to relate to your in-law in a meaningful way and on his or her terms.
  10. Don't treat your in-law as a rival who has stolen your child's love. Welcome the new addition into your family - you'll multiply the love, rather than divide it.

Background Information

The Truth About Emotional Affairs
At work and online, crossing the line from platonic friendship to emotional infidelity happens at an alarming rate.

An All-Too-Common Affair
Why do so many people get trapped in affairs?

Danger Signs of an Affair
Though affairs are often unpredictable, there are recognizable symptoms of a troubled marriage.

Questions and Answers

My marriage seems beyond repair to me. My husband is running around with other women and threatening to divorce me. Is there really any hope for us?
Answer

Is cybersex "cheating"?
Answer

My husband has been having an affair for the past three months. Should I just throw my arms open and pretend the affair never happened?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Reconcilable Differences
What's the secret to bringing a relationship back from the brink of divorce?

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

A Perfect Love
After a divorce, some amount of healing can occur through community support and learning to change certain behaviors. But complete healing can only come from the one who created us.

The Freedom in Forgiveness
Sometimes the comfort of holding a grudge can blind us to the relief of letting it go.

Special Situations
Even in cases of adultery, abuse and addictions, divorce isn't always the solution.

Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn't
Understanding and granting forgiveness can help you move past the pain of divorce.

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?

Love & SexDating, Living Together

TransitionsGetting Married

Abuse & AddictionsPornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse