Question and Answer

Television portrays blended families as a peaceful solution to divorce. Is this accurate?

I want to offer a word or two of advice to those who are planning to remarry after divorce or the death of a spouse. When children are involved, this is called a blended family, and it poses some very unique and unsettling challenges.

I can tell you that the Brady Bunch is a myth, the notion that a mom and dad with six kids can create one big happy family without conflict or rivalries. It just doesn't happen that way, although many blended families do eventually adjust to their new circumstances. Initially, at least, it is common within a blended family for one or more kids to see the new stepparent as a usurper. Their loyalty to the memory of their departed mother or father can be intense. So for them to welcome a newcomer with open arms would be an act of betrayal. This places the stepparent in an impossible bind.

It is also common for one child to move into the power vacuum left by the departing parent. That youngster becomes the surrogate spouse. I'm not referring to sexual matters. Rather, that boy or girl begins relating to the remaining parent more as a peer. The status and power that comes with that supportive role is very seductive and a youngster can be unwilling to give it up. These are only two of the land mines that can threaten blended families. Unfortunately, there are others.

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Background Information

Portraits of a Stepfamily
A look at different types of stepfamilies can highlight the unique challenges each stepfamily may encounter.

Remarriage--A Step in the Right Direction?
In order to make a step in the right direction for you and your children, you first must understand the challenges of stepfamily living and then make an informed choice about remarriage.

Questions and Answers

What's the biggest hurdle blended families face?
Answer

As a new stepparent, what can I do to make the transition a smooth one?
Answer

There are many reasons why a teen may react strongly to a new parent. Some may require professional intervention, but others can be handled at home.
Answer

Is remarrying worth it when it involves blending families?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Not the "Normal" Blended Family
Most families become blended through divorce, death and remarriage. Our blend is much different.

Loving the Stepmomster
It wasn't easy, but I did grow to accept the woman my dad remarried.

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

Out of Bounds
Here's how you can identify and deal with destructive patterns in your relationships.

Learning to Roll With Change
It's not the most fun you'll ever have, but the results are worth it.

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?

Related Topics

Love & Sex: Dating, Living Together

Transitions: Getting Married

Abuse & Addictions: Pornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse

Life Applications

Disciplining As a Team
Present a united front by creating a discipline action plan before you need it, and create a structure and stable environment in which your stepfamily can thrive.

Different Homes, Different Values: Uniting Instead of Fighting
The former spouse would walk away or hang up the phone. The anger became a vicious cycle that had to be broken if our stepfamily was to survive.

Healthy Communication With Your Ex
Words are powerful. Use them wisely.

When You're the Stepparent
Finding an effective stepparent role is indeed a challenge. Yet, with healthy expectations and a specific strategy to build relationship, a satisfying bond can be nurtured.