Trading Anxiety for Peace
When we were little, we lived in a world that seemed mostly safe and relatively secure. Our biggest worry was likely the monster living under the bed, waiting to pounce at lights out. As adults, we graduated to bigger worries finances, illness, relationships and jobs, to name a few and the world didn t seem quite as safe anymore.
From the time the alarm rings in the morning till we crawl under the covers at night, we are faced with a multitude of choices, responsibilities and unknowns that add up to fatigue, stress and sometimes, chaos. The pressure of everyday life is only worsened by modern technology s ability to beam play-by-play satellite pictures of political events and natural disasters wreaking havoc around the globe. Is it any wonder, then, that many of us find ourselves living with anxiety and fear on a daily basis?
Despite our best attempts at positive thinking amidst a cultural landscape abounding with counselors, therapists and self-help books we often find ourselves plagued with both tangible concerns as well as seemingly unfounded feelings of uneasiness or apprehension. We wonder if it s possible to find calm and peace anywhere.
Perhaps the answer to the question begins with an understanding of the origins of fear and anxiety. The common ground between the two is a threat, whether real or perceived, to security and safety. Fear and anxiety differ in a profound way, however. At its core, fear stems from an instinctual desire to survive and to recoil from pain. In contrast, anxiety stems from mental thought patterns in which safety is perceived as being jeopardized. Your mind becomes fixated on future, possible events that may challenge your well-being or bring pain whether that focus is three days or three minutes in the future.
Anxiety is characterized by What if ...? thinking.
- What if ... I disappoint someone?
- What if ... my spouse leaves me?
- What if ... my boss lets me go?
- What if ... (Fill in the blank)?
The problem with what if thinking is focus. Fear sees the present danger and says, It is happening, now! Anxiety, on the other hand, pulls your focus away from the present, fixates on the future and says, What if it happens someday, maybe? The future does not yet exist, and may never exist the way you envision it in your mind. It s likely that most of the things you ve worried about over the years have never come to pass.
It s true that what you do today will have an influence on tomorrow, but it s also important to realize that you can t control any part of tomorrow. You can plan for tomorrow, but the planning is still today. You can t live tomorrow, because it comes ¦ tomorrow. Simply put, you cannot control the future, yet the more you concentrate on the future, the more out of control you will feel (because it is out of your control). The control that belongs to you is only in the here and now.
Train your brain
Attempting to stop anxious thinking by telling yourself not to worry doesn t work. That s like telling yourself, Don t think about the Eiffel Tower. Suddenly all you ll think about is the famous landmark. What works is to identify and stop the what if thinking, replacing it with a legitimate, present reality of what is ... Try this:
Write four prompts on an index card:
- What five colors do I see right now?
- What five sounds do I hear right now?
- What five things can I physically feel right now (i.e. watch on my wrist, wind in my hair, feet on the floor, etc.)?
- What do I need to do, or think about, RIGHT NOW?
Place the card on your nightstand and answer the questions first thing in the morning as you wake. Next, take the card with you and review the four questions between three and five times throughout the day. Finally, as you get ready for bed, place the card back on your nightstand and answer the questions one more time. Remember, habits are built on repetition and you are creating a new brain habit by using this technique.
It works because the first three questions use your physical senses sight, sound and touch to bring your focus back from the future and into the present. The fourth question leads you to choose what you will do now. You decide what action you will take. If you want to study, then study rather than worry about the outcome of the test. If you re driving, then drive and enjoy the scenery count cars, look for out-of-state license plates, or just pay attention for once! Relax your brain. Think about only what s in front of you now.
You ll notice that every time you go through the exercise, you ll feel less anxious, even if only for a few minutes. In two or three months, thinking about what is will be as habitual as thinking what if once was.
Depression and anger
Psychologically induced depression frequently stems from anxiety. To successfully treat clinical depression, it s critical to assess and address any underlying thought patterns that are fueled by anxiety.
Likewise, anxiety can be a catalyst for anger. Whenever disappointment mixes with anxiety the result is anger or frustration. Anger management can help you learn to direct your anger toward an appropriate target. However, to actually decrease the flow of anger in the first place, you will need to take a close look at your what if thinking patterns.
The deeper issue
While refocusing on the present benefits you emotionally and even physically, it doesn t completely address the deeper issue: ultimate safety and freedom from pain.
Peace is the state of being undisturbed, calm or quiet. A genuine stillness only comes when you realize you are truly safe. But bad things happen all the time, you re thinking, even to good people. And you re right. There are things you can do to keep yourself safe physically, financially, emotionally, etc. Still, there s no absolute guarantee that you will be totally free from harm.
Sept. 11, 2001, will live forever in our minds, not only because of the overt display of evil and the countless lives lost, but also because it was the day America s perception of security was destroyed. We realized as a nation that we are not immune to attacks from our enemies. You can be personally responsible, do everything right and still be struck down by a terrorist or afflicted with cancer.
In an inherently unsafe world, how can anyone have genuine peace? True peace can only come from placing your life and future into the hands of a loving, all-knowing and all-powerful God who is greater than you and greater than your circumstances. Is God a magic insurance policy to guarantee that things will never go wrong for you? No. What He does promise is, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you (Hebrews 13:5b). You will never have to face anything divorce, loss of a job, being lied to, anything alone. When you find yourself in painful times, God promises to accompany you through them. Pain is real, and painful experiences will still hurt, but you don t have to hurt alone. That s true comfort.
When you re not alone, you re not left to your own wits. That looming decision doesn t have to rest entirely on your shoulders. God promises to guide you if you 1) trust Him, 2) don t limit yourself to your own understanding of the situation and 3) follow His lead (see Proverbs 3:5-6). Again, there s no magic formula, but there is direction and power outside yourself to help you see, hear and think more clearly.
God also promises eternal life (someday there will be no pain at all!) to those who place their trust in His Son, Jesus Christ: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).
Thieves can steal your new car. Circumstances can eliminate your job or career. Even your identity can be falsified. Those things can cause great pain and trouble for you, but your soul (the inner part of your being that lives forever) can still be absolutely secure if you choose to place yourself into the hands of the God who breathed life into you in the beginning.
Making a choice
Putting your safety, your soul, your future your very life into the hands of someone you can t see is scary and risky. But you only have three options:
You can trust yourself, your own instincts and your own tactics to keep you safe. But you can t even guarantee your heart will continue beating, no matter how alert you are. And there s no way you can begin to truly secure the safety of your soul, even if you do all the right religious activities.
You can place your trust in other people. But history has proven that other people are fallible and limited in their ability to guarantee your safety. As for your soul, they can t speak on your behalf, because your soul is intimately yours.
Or you can place your trust in the hands of an overseeing God and learn to rely on His tactics and His definition of safe for your life now and after you die a physical death. It s a paradox surrendering control in order to gain protection.
A child sleeps soundly through the night, untroubled by potential boogie-monsters, simply because he rests in the safety and understanding of his loving parents. You too can rest soundly throughout your life, no matter how bad the present circumstances are, when you place your life and soul into the hands of a Heavenly Father and trust Him to look out for you.
It s not a choice you make emotionally or intellectually. It s a choice you make with your heart and soul. It is a choice of life and death.
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