Anger Awareness

by Tim Sanford and Tim Geare

Teens can conclude that anger itself is a sin, and never benefit from the valuable service it provides. Beyond that, they can commit themselves to denying or suppressing it in an effort to "be good." That denial can end up creating more destructive expressions of anger.

The value of anger is similar to the role of the gauges on your car's dashboard. Both signal that something is amiss on the inside and needs immediate attention. No one enjoys seeing the oil light come on, but if we simply choose to ignore it or worse yet, disconnect it there will be a destructive outcome, despite a few moments of ignorant bliss. Likewise, if we pretend anger isn't present, needs go unaddressed and more hurt will follow.

Anger is powerful and usually uncomfortable. No one likes it much. But God designed anger as a potent emotion. The Bible doesn't say not to be angry. Rather, it says we shouldn't be quick to anger (Proverbs 14:17), sin in the midst of anger, or allow those bitter passions to go unresolved (Ephesians 4:26-32). If we put a lid on it, it will seep out in numerous indirect ways. Negative attitudes, cutting words, depression and a focus on death can all be expressions of denied anger. Actions like punching holes in walls, fighting or setting fires may result from bottled-up emotions.

Determine if you may have unwittingly helped define anger as a bad thing. If you can accept and assist your son in his struggle with denied anger, discuss some of these ideas together. Keep the distinction clear. Anger isn't inherently wrong; it's how you handle it that counts! Proverbs criticizes the hot-tempered man, not anger itself. Help your son see how, in an attempt to deny his feelings, he is allowing those volatile emotions to control him.

Discuss constructive ways to acknowledge anger. Encourage him to talk with God about his feelings. He could also write them in a journal as a cathartic way to release tension. A chat with mom and dad may also be helpful. If you find that you are the object of his frustration, be sure to set ground rules for discussion (no profanity, name-calling, etc.). Be a coach to him. He probably won't get it right the first time, but with your support, he can develop skills for constructively channeling his anger.