The Look of Anger

by Holly Hudson

According to Webster, anger is "a feeling of displeasure resulting from injury, mistreatment, opposition, etc. and usually showing itself in a desire to fight back at the supposed cause of this feeling."

People generally express anger in three ways: confrontation, suppression and passive aggression. Confrontation involves a direct interaction with the offending person. Suppression is just that holding anger in, which can lead to depression. Passive aggressive behavior "sneaks in the back door," lashing out at others and avoiding confrontation.

When people get angry, their heart rate and blood pressure rise, as well as their adrenaline levels. The intensity of their feelings can range from irritation to fury. These emotions and physical responses are a normal part of human nature. When left unchecked or ignored, however, anger can quickly turn from a defense mechanism to a destructive force that affects all areas of life especially health and relationships with family and friends.

Personal background has a lot to do with how people express their anger. Were they taught that anger is a negative emotion and told to keep it inside? Did they learn to "let it all hang out"? Or did they learn to avoid taking responsibility for their emotions, saying "so and so made me feel this way"?

What is their basic temperament style? Are they more aggressive "driver" personalities, or quieter, steadier types more prone to withdrawal? Consider, too, basic gender differences. Women tend to get angry when they feel their sense of security and self-worth is threatened. Men tend to get angry when they feel disrespected and emasculated.

Such differences can cause much misunderstanding and hurt in relationships. In fact, mismanaged anger is one of the top causes of domestic violence and divorce. But there's hope. When both people are committed to recognizing and dealing with anger issues, it's possible to transform even a deeply wounded relationship.