My stepdaughter resists my attempts at friendship. Have I done something wrong?

Question and Answer

My stepdaughter resists my attempts at friendship, even screaming, "You're not my dad. Leave me alone!" Have I done something wrong?

Not necessarily. There are many reasons why a teen may react so strongly to a new parent. While some may require professional intervention, others can be dealt with right in the home.

For example, the natural parent may fail to give the stepparent an explicit endorsement of authority. Thus, a teen has no reason to recognize them as a full-fledged guardian with all the rights and responsibilities that go along with parenthood. If that's the case in your home, your wife needs to set the ground rules for your daughter and affirm your authority.

In other cases, an enthusiastic stepparent can easily come on too strongly in their excitement over the new family. This can be confusing even threatening to a child, triggering a nasty response. The new stepparent needs to relax and proceed at the teen's pace. Try to operate at her comfort level. If you sense bitterness or resentment, be willing to listen as your stepdaughter respectfully shares her anger. But don't let her be abusive. If hurtful words persist, it may be time to seek help from someone outside of the home.

Regardless of the dynamics (there are many more than we've been able to address here), stepparents are constantly challenged to keep on loving with a dogged determination, praying tirelessly and taking whatever action is necessary. Sooner or later, those efforts will bear fruit.