Just Hold Me

by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus

Cuddling, for a woman, fills an emotional need. When a husband cuddles with his wife, he is saying, €œI love you. You are important to me. I love being near you. € Sex, for a man, fills this same emotional need. When a wife makes love to her husband, she is saying, €œI love you. You are important to me. I love being near you. € We women insist that our husbands share their emotions with us. Must we also insist that this sharing be verbal rather than physical?

As women, we sometimes pooh pooh physical needs because we are masters at dismissing our own physical needs. But we wouldn't dream of dismissing an emotional need. Emotional needs are so valid! A man has a physical need for sex, but for him, sex also meets a deep emotional need. When you make love to your husband, you touch his soul and create an outlet of expression for his emotions. In essence, touching him enables him to get in touch with himself. Listen to Dr. John Gray's insight:

Many times after having great sex with my wife, I realize that I had forgotten how beautiful the trees are in our neighborhood. I go outside and breathe in the fresh air and feel alive again. It is not that I didn't feel alive in my work, but by connecting with my wife through great sex, I can reawaken and bring to life my more sensual feelings that are easily forgotten in the focused pursuit of achieving my goals at work. In a sense, great sex helps me to stop and smell the flowers. 1

¹ John Gray, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom (New York: HarperCollins, 1995), 63.